Making Sure That You and Your Life-Partner Are on the Same Retirement Page

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“You Want to do What Now?”

As Freedman Crossett Financial Services has continued to mature over the years and with it the people we serve, an eye-opening revelation has occurred to my business partner, Cindy, and I (Alan Freedman): Some of our soon to be retired clients, most of them with partners, want to experience their retirement years in very different ways and, in some cases, leaving one of the partners feeling as though they’ve been blind-sided.

This can have profound implications on several levels: financially, relationally, physically, and emotionally, so the importance of addressing this sooner rather than later cannot be overstated.

What age will each work to? What destinations will be on their bucket lists? Which of these are the greater priorities? How long will they go for? Will one or both work part time? And, if so, how many hours each week? Will they downsize? Where will they live after retiring? Will there be a focus on working with non-profits?

These and so many more considerations demand careful, thorough and brutally honest introspection and then, candid, respectful communication with each other and almost certainly, some give and take.

The Pew Research Center in Factank – News in the Numbers dated March 9, 2017 in an article titled ‘Led by Baby Boomers, divorce rates climb for America’s 50+ population,’ cite that the so-called “gray divorce” rate for those 50+ has doubled since the 1990’s. And for those age 65+, it’s tripled.

Reasons for uncoupling vary, but couples finding themselves on different pages as their retirement approaches, is one such cause. I can understand them determining that, after all, they’re not getting any younger and life is short. They know there’s a last time for everything, so there’s a sense of urgency. The answer isn’t to have one of them cave in to the other either, for that will only breed a festering resentment and a degree of discomfort that is hard to put into words.

My stepfather, for years, talked about one day visiting Israel. But every year it was the same story: It’s not “the right time” my mother would reason. On and on it went until one day he was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. He never did get to visit Israel. If you wait for the so-called “right time” for anything, you’ll never partake, because life continues to happen, and the excuses start to pile up.